A School Year Reflection

I have officially been out of school for a week. The desk is packed up and I've moved into my temporary summer home to save money before the big move to Ohio. I always like doing reflective posts because, like a fine wine, they get better with age. Or so I'm told, truth be told I don't know a whole lot about wine.

I started the school year taking a job after a week of trying to decide between a move to Minnesota or staying very close to my hometown. I chose being close because they had a marching band, I could live with my fiancee in my old college town, and it just seemed easier. The HS principal called to hire me and I was looking forward to being the Assistant Director of Bands. It meant no more general music and a bigger program. It also meant missing a bunch of students who will always mean a lot to me because they were my first ones, they believed in me as much as I believed in them.

It wasn't until I was days away from the move into what we thought would be a charming little house that I found out this was a strictly middle school job. The other director had no intention of letting me direct the high school band on any pieces and that HS principal that hired me would hardly speak another word to me. I was upset, I felt like I had been deceived and I interviewed for one last job before settling in at band camp. I wasn't thrilled when that other principal called, "we liked you, but we went with someone with a master's. Do you want me to keep your name up around the area?" she said. Yes, of course I wanted that, but mostly I vowed to get that Master's. I can't gain experience any faster, but I sure can change my degree level.

Band camp was a shock to my system, the band was almost double the size of my first school's, but they lacked discipline and strong student leadership. To make matters worse, they shared a fight song. My heart just wasn't in it. They fought with each other, they told the director what to do, they told me I wasn't nice. The whole community seemed happy and proud of the program, I can't blame them because it's all they knew and for that far downstate they might've been right. I wanted to change that, which is why it was good to be the middle school guy.

My fiancee(at this time girlfriend) watched me become someone she didn't like a whole lot. Where was the energy and the passion of that educator she met in the band room at EPGHS? She helped me when she could, but I just wasn't happy. I'm fortunate that she stuck it out and that she told me to look at grad schools. I said I didn't want to skip around too much, but she saw it as not going after a dream. I still had dreams, I was still passionate, I just felt that they'd been put on hold. Like I was stalling, I'm not used to standing still.

I was frustrated, but I threw myself into the 6-8 bands. I started changing how they thought. We worked on intonation and scale studies. I gave them responsibilities and for the most part they met the challenges.  We began changing things slowly. We were setting higher expectations. I began l finding some of those students who make it great to come to work everyday. I was so thankful for that and for them.

Jes and I got engaged on Nov 27th 2009. I took her on a trip to Chicago giving her instructions to bring a fancier dress. Her friends at school were all telling her that this was it, but she said she tried not to get her hopes up. I popped the question with a great diamond(that took months to find) under Cloudgate aka "the Bean" in Chicago. We stayed at a great hotel in the theater district and I can't wait to go back there again.

By Christmas break the school had hit a financial crisis and who hadn't? The state was(and is) an amazing amount of debt and school districts aren't getting paid. The superintendent gave some dire speeches. People were scared. I talked to the Regional of Education representative about keeping my certification and going to school out of state. It all sounded very simple. Keep my certificate current, get my other degree and that would be my bump from initial to standard.

By February I had researched over 50 graduate programs in some combination of Wind Conducting and Music Education. I had met or at least spoke to professors from all over the country. Jes and I set off on some adventures and I had so much fun conducting band and auditioning all over the midwest. All but one school offered me a place there, but in the end a school in OH became the top choice.

During all of this my groups were continuing to rise to my level. I enjoyed the middle school groups more than I ever thought I could. I've met some great middle school teachers who have no desire to teach HS and I really wish more of us would find our place. There is no greater program, just the program that fits an individual teacher the best.

We organized a district-wide MIOSM concert. That was one of the highlights of my year. One thing that was slightly selfish of me was my smile when the high school band tried to follow the 7/8 bands way of tuning, they never tuned in rehearsal. It fell pretty flat and gave me a little ego boost. Over 200 students playing all different arrangements of "Simple Gifts" and then at the end we combined to play a number. As I conducted them I knew I had no control, I just had to get us safely from beginning to end. The audience was ecstatic, what a great moment. Solo and ensemble came and went and it was time to talk to my colleague about my move. I wasn't looking forward to that, she'd been through two guys in the past four years in this job. It had to happen though.

I'll never forget sitting outside on the campus of Wright State University wondering if it was the right choice. There were so many questions, will I be successful? Can we afford this? Will Jes find a job? Will we like it here? There is no way to know for sure, but she seemed confident in telling me that I fit here. I liked the faculty I had met and I liked how they treated Jes. It was a little more metropolitan, which we wanted and it had the right vibe. I signed my letter of intent and became a GTA in Wind Conducting. Now it was time to finish out the year.

I explained my situation in April and then gave the final word on my leaving just at the beginning of May. Even though I'm not cut out for middle school I sure was glad to work for that principal. In the long run I'm glad the one at the HS had less to do with me. He's been the boss, I've ever had. A true leader, who's in it for all the right reasons. I  turned my letter of resignation into the superintendent and word spread quickly. When I went to get my mail I spent a lot of time telling other teachers what was up. They were happy for me, but not for the school, again I felt like I had a better connection to them then I did to teachers at my old school.

The Spring Concert went off without a hitch, even though I was tired everyday from the over an hour long commute from doing "The Producers" in Bloomington. The kids started hearing things and I explained to them where I was going. I'm glad they understood. I think they are used to it, which is kind of sad. I got some great letters, thank yous,  and emails. I shared my information with parents in case any wants to get ahold of me. I had my final class with them as "May Madness Band Bracket Challenge".

My desk was packed up last Thursday. The boxes went in my car and I found an envelope that held "best of day" certificates for my clarinet quintet. I chased the kids down and handed them out. I was so proud of them. The middle school band had became my ensemble and I loved them for it. I handed in my keys, turned off my computer, promised to help if anyone needed me, and drove off listening to U2's "Where the Streets Have No Names". I had ended my stalled school year and learned more than I thought I would. I wonder how I'll look back on this in 5 years or 20...

If I just could've combined the things I liked about both jobs, I might've stayed forever...then again maybe that's why it wasn't perfect, to push me forward. Everything happens for a reason.

Tell Someone How You Feel

I feel like I'm emotionally stunted sometimes. My colleague at RIHS comments about how not much gets to me. She feels like she gets ruffled and I just don't. I attribute some of that to the calm, respectful teachers that I have had. I always seemed to work harder for the professors who didn't scream at me. As an educator, I am creating a persona based on those I work with and observe. The good and the bad, I have an uncanny ability to absorb traits I want and expell the ones that don't fit my personal style.

During marching band I'm tough, I have expectations, but my voice comes over the soundsystem in low, calm voice. I speak slowly with purpose and thought. In concert ensemble rehearsals, I can wait on a group to settle even during ISAT week when they're burned out. I am slowly teaching them how to get ready without anyone shouting. I'm firm in my policies, but not exactly empathetic. I'm probably need to work on that.

So in an effort to be a little less emotionally closed off I saw an opportunity today and took it. I leave my Facebook and Twitter pages up in the background most of the time. I like the opportunity to read what other teachers(and my music theater friends) are doing throughout the day.

Today I noticed a friend from college was on FB chat. We weren't the closest, but he's always been someone I respected. He's currently at Indiana University getting a Master's in the Horn Performance and auditioning for pro gigs. I think that's incredibly cool. I had a class to get to, but I left him this message, "just thought I'd tell you. You're one of the coolest guys I know. I haven't been real impressed with a lot people I went to school with, but you're awesome.That is all." Didn't want to be too heavy you know.

He replied, "haha thanks kyle, that really means a lot. you're a good guy, and I can tell you're going to succeed in music ed." It made me feel good to actually try to communicate with someone, not for school or theater or work. Just to tell someone that they're doing things right. I think I just grew a little bit, emotionally, now if I could figure out how to get a little taller too...

Dr. Fansler Visits RIHS

So today was a treat for me and some of the kids who really enjoy playing in HS band. We had a guest conductor, Dr. Mike Fansler from Western Illinois University. It was like going back in time, yet I feel so much wiser. I want to go back and redo a lot from my time in undergrad.


He was one of my college band directors and my academic advisor. So many of the things I've learned have came from this great conductor, educator, and musician. However, I didn't sound quite like that in college. I fought him on some stupid thing and didn't practice enough. I should just send him an email that says, "you were right about everything. I'm sorry. KF" Would've, could've, should've doesn't get us very far does it? It really makes me excited about the next steps in my life.

This is the first time I've seen him conduct in three years and nice to see some things I do(and some things I should be doing) I want to get to that level of artistry, but I realize the same people I knew years ago might not understand that about me. Oh well I guess I've grown up a bit. Maybe that's the real reason professors tell us to teach for a few years before getting our Master's, to grow up.

It disappoints me that the band still wasn't all that quiet. Sure they were much better than when I was on the podium or when my colleague is, but it still just had an undercurrent of bad attitude. I feel like that's poisoning me. It's just expected and I can't get my mind around that. The kids tell me I don't fit in and I don't think that's bad. I wish some of them would break the mold too. They deserve it, Fansler commented on how there were some great things in rehearsal. He's right I feel bad that those kids and the greatness they have is stifled. It's not "cool."

I've been around the country a bit over the last few months and I'm starting to wonder where life will take me. Lots of opportunities are out there. The brave go get them wherever they may be. Just look at Dr. Fansler's bio. Virginia, New York, Tennessee, Illinois. He went and got what he wanted. I hope I have the courage to do the same. My future students will benefit from it, whomever they may be.

Thanks Dr. Fansler. You are right and I can't wait to get out there and try my best to create my own story and successes.

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I'm Getting Through to Them

Maybe not all of them or even most of them. However, it's enough at this point to make me pretty happy. I know I posted about how don't like when teachers get excited about the good stuff and try to discredit the bad, but here's some good as I sit here after school in an empty band room with a stack of solo/ensemble music on my desk.

Today a 7th grade flutist was outside my office. The girl next to hear said, "practice makes perfect". She responded, "No it doesn't, practice makes permanent." I leaned out and asked her where she heard that and just smiled and said, "You."

On Facebook a former student wrote on my wall about her semester abroad so far. She's been in Spain for two days now. She wrote, "Last night when walking around Madrid, there were a lot of musicians out - a small harp thing, a violin, a flute, and a saxophone in different places. That's my favorite thing about music.. it's found around the world and understood by all languages. :)" Now that I'll use next time a kid asks me why the put forte instead of "loud". I didn't have a huge impact on her musically, but I'm glad she thought enough of me to let me know that music is still in her life.

I spend a lot of time talking about drum corps. I should've marched, I really regret not doing it. My constant references to it has caused a former horn player to try out for the Glassmen. She messaged me to get some advice on slurring since that's what the told her to work on for camp. She's hoping for one of the 7 open spots and I really hope she get one. I'll be glad to cheer on the Glassman as well as the Colts this Summer.

We are working heavily on tuning in MS Band. I know they're starting to get it, but I hope I'm not creating snobs(some of the kids who can really hear the waves make some terribly scrunched faces when other don't fix it). Each day we select a random section to check on how well they have tuned through the process. They are starting to talk about their "intonation" what a great word for some middle schoolers.

Well I must get back to work. Solo and Ensemble music will not pick itself now will it?